- Sydney is such a safe city that if someone hears a gunshot, they yell “Oh no! Someone’s car broke down! How can I help?”
- Sydney cops are actually so bored that they wear blindfolds to encourage crime. “OMG guys! We can’t see ANYTHING! I hope some CRIMINALS don’t find out about this!”
- Sydneysiders make the same scrunched-up, grumpy face when it rains that every girl makes when she sees me naked. They are NOT fans.
- I got excited when a doctor I randomly chose in Sydney turned out to be attractive. Then I thought: “Could her attractiveness save my life?” And i realized no, but at least it will be a happy death.
- In China, people “line up” for buses like the world outside the bus is 10 seconds from blowing up. In Sydney, they line up like there is hot lava all around the line, and if they take even a step out of it they’ll likely melt.
- But Sydney is not perfect. For instance, Sydneysiders care a LOT about what suburb you’re from. And never say Western Sydney, or you might be laughed out of the room. I used to think that was a bit prejudiced. But then I went and saw the 23 hours of darkness and giant roving monster bugs and realized, yeah, I’d prefer the eastern suburbs too!
- The difference between Sydney, San Francisco and Beijing can be summed up in the responses you’ll get to the following question: “Where can I get some good drugs?” In Sydney you’ll be taken to a nearby pharmacy, in San Francisco you’ll be taken to Dolores Park, and in Beijing you’ll be hauled off to jail and never heard from again.
- Don’t get me wrong though, Sydney is definitely not boring. And it’s always nice seeing the kangaroos just hopping down the street. . . just kidding there are assuredly NOT kangaroos just hopping down the street! And if you believed that for even a second you should probably come visit so you can replace your Aussie stereotypes with real memories of this beautiful place.
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