Sunday, April 28, 2013

If Google Search worked like the DMV. . .


Wife: Hey honey, where do you want to go for dinner tonight?


Husband: I dunno. Let’s google it.


He types “restaurant” into Google. 45 minutes later. . .


Husband: Awesome, it says it routed us into the processing queue! We should get search results back within 4-5 hours!


Wife: Wow, that’s so much faster than last time!


***

Mike: Hey Bill, do you know the capital of Mongolia?

Bill: No, but I bet Google does. I’ll just do a little search and. . .oh wait, actually I can’t because Google closes at 4:30.

Mike: But it’s only 4:31.

Bill: Yeah, they’re really strict on that closing time. Yesterday they closed at 4:15.

***

Google Employee (looking at clipboard): Ok now I’m going to need you to execute a search for “dolphins” in Images mode.

Teen Student: Piece of cake.

The student clicks on Video mode by accident and quickly clicks back to Images mode.

Google Employee: Oh, I’m sorry--I’m going to have to dock you a point for that meaning unfortunately you have failed the Google Search Test.

Teen Student (distraught): Noo! Please, it was just an accidental click! I know how to get to Images mode! Here, I’ll do it again! See!

Google Employee: Sorry, a mistake like that on a real computer could have cost you precious seconds. We can’t have that. You can re-take the exam in a month. In the meantime, feel free to use Bing for your Search needs.

Teen Student (crosses arms and pouts): Well I’m glad you’re in a joking mood on the worst day of my life.

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