Life’s Not Always a Fairy Tale

An ugly duckling is sitting near a pond with his classmate ducklings.

Normal Duckling: Look at the ugly duckling! He’s so ugly!

Ugly Duckling: Whatever. You can make fun of me all you want. In a few years, I’ll be a beautiful swan!

Normal Duckling: Um, you do realize we’re all going to be beautiful swans right? That’s kinda how it works. Ducklings become swans.

Ugly Duckling (pause): Damn it.

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The Little Engine that Could is struggling to make it up the hill.

Little Engine that Could (panting): I wish I could I wish I could I wish I could.

He makes it over the top of the hill.

Little Engine that Could: I did it! Wow, look at the view from up here.

He glances over the other side of the hill.

Little Engine that Could: Wow, the other side of the hill is pretty steep. Good thing I can rest here at the top.

His engine’s momentum starts to carry him over the other side of the hill. He hits the brakes but they don’t work.

Little Engine that Could: Noooooo! I wish I couldn’t I wish I couldn’t I wish I couldn’t!
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Pinocchio is walking through a field.

Pinocchio (to himself): I can’t believe I finally became a real boy. This is so great. Ah, the breeze on my face. Feels so nice.

He notices a bee amongst some flowers.

Pinocchio: Oh, look at that. It’s a cute little bee! Come here bee and say hello!

The bee flies over and stings Pinocchio in the face.

Pinocchio:  What the hell was that?? Ouch, that really hurts!!! All that pain from a little bee?? Jesus, being a human is the worst!! CAN SOMEONE TURN ME BACK INTO WOOD PLEASE???