1) Whenever I see a signed business contract, I always think the person could have gotten their 4-year-old to sign and I’d never know the difference.
2) It was recently 60 degrees, cloudy, and a little windy. In Sydney, they call that “terrible weather”. In London, they call that “weather”.
3) I wonder if chimps ever look at humans and think “What the fuck evolution? We’re over here grunting and throwing feces and those guys are over there watching reality TV and listening to One Direction. On second thought maybe we’re not that bad off.”
4) I’m always astonished when I have a bad bus driver. Isn’t good driving ability literally the only qualification of the job? It would be like if I was a librarian and someone asked me for a book recommendation and I was like “Oh sorry, I can’t really read that good.”
5) Why do old people feel the need to feed pigeons? If they need a friend I’ll be their damn friend. And I come with 72% fewer diseases.
6) They were going to open an IKEA spin-off called “IKEA: Satin Version”, but people couldn’t really tell the difference from the original.
7) Last night I got hit on by a creepy guy at a bar. Between that and Emma Watson’s speech, I definitely better understand the female perspective. Jeez, sometimes a guy just wants to dance!
